At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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