Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Every concussion has its silver lining
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
