You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
