I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
it's like iHOP with fire
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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