i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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