Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
