in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
