Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
