im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Dicks are not precious.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
