i would punch a child for taco bell
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Randomize
