Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
