i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
