Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
