That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
