so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just pee around me
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
