Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
