Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You are the jesus of drinking
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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