It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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