Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
