I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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