My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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