Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
