after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
