I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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