I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So vagazzling was a success
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
