Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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