oh god the rape fog is back!
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
