Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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