I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
