Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I need to calm my uterus...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
