Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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