Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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