So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
