So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
