Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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