Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
