but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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