i was born a porn star she said
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize