Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
