you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
