WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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