And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
