Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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