I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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