I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
