I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
