i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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