i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Bring me that man meat
Randomize
