Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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