Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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