My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
