also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
