So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
