Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
