Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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