When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
