how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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