I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
