Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
