I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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